Author: Atton Viggo

4 Ways To Avoid Sabotaging Your Relationship

Insecurities, unmet expectations and self-sabotaging behaviors are silent killers in relationships. These things can derail a great relationship. Oftentimes, in relationships, when we don’t communicate, when we don’t say what it is that we would love to have and we have an expectation that isn’t met and let that build, it can erupt into an explosion that takes the other person by surprise, or can lead your relationship down a very negative path.

Avoid this trap of self-sabotaging by following these tips for a healthier and genuine relationship;

Be Authentic

Here’s the thing, the top reason why all relationships end is because of fear. Whether it is because you’re jealous of this thing that they’re doing or you’re competing with something, it’s all rooted in fear. When you have your thoughts, it creates behavior in your body to get away from the threat that it perceives. So, you’re subconsciously doing things to make it go away.

What happens is, the deepest fear we have in all relationships is being who we truly are. We have this image, false thing going on and we see that with other people too. The thing about being real in a relationship and creating intimacy from a place of vulnerability is that you have to be willing to be aligned with your inner being or true self first.

Listen To Your Soul

Unless you’re aligned with how you feel, you’re listening to that, you’re sharing that authentically and you’re making choices based on this feeling, which is your soul, you’re not living your soul’s purpose. We live the life we’re born to live by listening to this voice from within and by loving it so much that we can actually love someone else for exactly who they are. If you’re not loving and listening to and honoring this inner feeling, it won’t let you put anyone else there.

Be Vulnerable

Being vulnerable is the secret key to an intimate and stronger relationship. You have to be willing to be where you are rather than where you think you should be. You have to be willing to stand in the truth. When negative thoughts are attacking your mind, realize that it’s just your inner child wanting to be hurt. Acknowledge that feeling and let your partner know about it. If he is the right guy and if it’s the right time, they will dig that. When you work through that and you acknowledge it, you can tell your partner that you’re working hard for it. If this is a new relationship and you’re not ready to do that, just work with yourself and save yourself when the stuff comes up in private. When we open ourselves up to really see our true selves, a whole other world happens where the relationship starts being heart centered.

Voice It Out

You have to get to the place within yourself where you’re willing to stand in your honesty, emotion that you’re feeling and give it a voice and allow your partner to hear your voice. If your partner is not ready, it’s not your fault. But I’m telling you, you will attract that person that loves you for who you are – the honest and genuine soul that is YOU.

8 Non-sexual Touches To Increase Intimacy In Relationship

Most individuals settle for boring and dissatisfying relationship to keep themselves from hair-yanking marital issues. However, this can lead you to unhappy life and relationship.

Hence, it’s essential that you exert efforts in maintaining intimacy in your relationship. Look for ways on how to please your partner, not just through sex. As a matter of fact, you could also rev-up your relationship by means of these non-sexual touches:

#1 Communication

Of all non-sexual touches, nothing beats the power of communication in bringing two hearts together. No matter how busy you are, it makes a huge difference to sit and talk to your wife/husband about anything under the sun.

#2 Holding hands

There’s something you can’t explain about holding hands. The feeling you’re actually touching your loved one with passion is comforting. It makes you feel secured. Once in a while, do remind your lover that he/she’s not alone through holding their hands.

#3 Non-sexual kisses

 

You can express your affection not just through hot French kisses. A genuine, sweet goodnight kiss can tell your partner that you love them and care for them.

 

#4 Eye-to-eye contact

 

Can you still remember the very first time you laid your eyes on her? Your eye-to-eye contact instantly dictates your heart that she’s special. So, why not use again this technique to let her know how much you love her?  Drive her crazy with your long, intense gaze. Allow her to see that you’re willing to do everything to bring back the lost spark.

#5 Hugs

Give them a warm hug spontaneously — even for no reason.  Whether she’s cleaning, cooking or just a sleeping, hugging can help a lot to improve intimacy and connection in your marriage.

#6 Tap of Approval

This refers to a simple pat or tap at the back or on the arm, displaying your encouragement and support. Your partner needs this especially during bad days. It’s another way of saying “Don’t worry. You are not alone. We’ll overcome this together”.

#7 Slow dance

You don’t need to do the deed to be more intimate. You just need to play your favourite song and dance waltz inside a room like no one’s watching. Make it more romantic through reminiscing your sweet, old good days together.

#8 Massage

Massage is another type of non-sexual touching. Massage your partner’s shoulders so he/she could release all stresses and tension which they might acquire throughout the day. Massage oils can help you give them a relaxing massage. It’s a creative way of saying “Hey buddy! I got you! Just lay back and relax”

The author of the famous “The 5 Love Languages”  and marriage counselor for over 30 years, Dr. Gary Chapman, popularized the phrase “love language”. This means a way of expressing as well as interpreting love namely: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and touch. There is a need for married couples to remember that happy marriage starts when they marry the ones they love. It blossoms when you love the one you marry.

So, have time to find out your own spouse’s love and then express it consistently to him or her. These non-sexual touches can do the trick for you.

 

 

How To Handle Sexual Or Dating Rejection

The fact of the matter is, it’s always a risk when you’re stepping out with somebody else. Part of that risk is that somebody might say no for a whole variety of reasons that you don’t know about.

Everybody feels really bad about being rejected. It’s the most natural feeling to have somebody says no. Male sexual rejection often seems to be happening more on this side and it’s very difficult for the woman to understand when she says no that the male’s self-esteem just goes down because they feel rejected.

So what can men do when they get rejected sexually?

Try Again

If you ask somebody out through a text message or Facebook chat and they don’t reply, there are two possible reasons. One of them is that they didn’t get the message and the other one is they got the message but don’t want to say yes or don’t want to reply. If somebody doesn’t reply to one of your messages, it’s usually means ‘no thanks’. But a ‘no thanks’ response doesn’t mean no thanks forever. When that happens, a good way to handle such a rejection is to try again, not frequently, but try again after a few days or weeks. If you try three times with different intervals and forms of invitation and it’s a systematic no, then it gives you a hint that she’s not interested in spending time with you.

Don’t Be Needy

One of the important things to honor and respect sexual or dating rejection is to be needy-free. When a woman accepts your invitation, don’t keep on insisting to come back to her place when she refuses to. If somebody rejects you, you need to honor their power of self-determination. It doesn’t mean that they have been manipulating you. The fact that somebody says yes to come and have a drink with you, doesn’t mean they are going to have sex with you. Don’t fall into pressure and demanding patterns just because somebody said no to having sex with you.

Be Emotionally And Energetically Mature

You need to show up with certain level of emotional maturity. It’s not like you’re five years old. If you’re in your 20s, 30s or 40s and a woman rejects your offer or your invitation, the only possible answer to it is by saying yes. Be respectful and honor the right of that person if they say no to you. Otherwise, being needy or aggressive can leave a trail of trauma, anger and frustration to the woman that you’re dating.

Invest Less, Expect Less

If you noticed a woman and you like her and then one day, you take all the courage to come to her and then she says that you’re just a friend for her and she doesn’t feel any form of romantic attraction towards you. You have been investing time and energy in building up all these fantasies and then crashes them just like that, then of course it’s going to hurt so much because you have lots of expectations. So, lower your expectations and prepare yourself to the idea that it can be a YES or it can be NO.